In the midst of the night’s bore where I’m stuck on the deepening silence, caught in between reminiscing bygone years and regretting a handful of but’s and what if’s, you appear before my eyes. In your flesh, presumptuous and dauntless, you gave me that smile which I sensed insincere and troubling.
Yet your unexpected coming, though close to an apparition, was a dream come true, a wish granted. Honestly…
Something seemed eccentric that very moment I saw you. You were unsteady albeit you managed to look in control and be one.
Unlike the persona everyone knows about you, you appear before me as a totally different character. Audacious and seemingly stripped off from self-preservation and prudence you usually portray, I saw a monster lurking behind those debonairly adorable smiles. What a gorgeous temptation, so I thought.
Then you began to speak of tales from the past… and it got me unawares, leaving me doubtful of what to say or how to react. I wanted to exist as an amiable fellow who has mustered all the guts and positivities in the world just to make you feel alright, to assure you that someone is ready to lend a caring ear or even a warm shoulder to lean on.
But I know you were after something more than that… something intimate yet superficial. And so I gave in… (or is it I who did the prodding? I really don’t care anymore. That doesn’t matter now, anyway.)
I wished I could have told you that things are unfair sometimes… That people tend to be hedonistically self-absorbed and driven with indifferent motives at times.
But I chose to be silent. I chose to blend in with the melancholy of the wee hours and gave you the leeway to take so much of me and of how I look up to the advantage of situationship like that of ours, at that very moment.
I knew I had to thank you for the straightforward thoughts and conversation. I had to thank you even more for the opportunity of getting to know you more intimately.
But I wished I have become bolder than you… I wished I was stronger enough not to allow you shatter my waning hold on possibilities.
Nevetheless, I have to thank you for making me feel this way… conveniently needed but always underappreciated, needless to say – unloved.