Category Archives: Inner Thoughts

Don’t let these suck the life in you

Face it, there will always be days where your demons are up to drag you into the pit and bring out the zombie in you. And during those days, though you try to be in control especially of how you feel, you know you’re drawn into the Bermuda Triangle of emotional chaos and even psychological masochism. Thanks to your optimism and archaic belief that since you’ve been nice you deserve good karma.

Life’s not what you expect it to be as wonderful as you’re trying to imagine it. You’ve been good and nice and accommodating… and have become the most amiable version of yourself.  And you’d expect everyone to be the same!?

Well you have to stop right there… and maybe, start crawling out of your cocoon before the same chrysalis became your own death chamber depriving you of the air you needed badly.

Photo Source

Now, take a look on how people suck the life in you, even without them knowing it. The book Spirit Healing (I always look forward to read at BookShack Café) lists down three negative energies to watch out, and of course, avoid:
> Leftover Vibrations – energies “that still hang out due to undesirable people, activities or unfriendly ghosts.” Sometimes these are feelings which are actually remnants of your past aches that should have dried up along with the tears on your pillow many sleepless night ago. Hoarding negative sentiments on people is allowing them to consume terabytes in your emotional virtual memory. There should be no recycle bin, in the first place, to traumatic encounters with people (that includes exes – ex bf/gf, ex friend, etc.)

> Energy Vampires – “usually needy family members or friends who are quite aware of their ‘talent’ from draining the life energy from other people. After you have become in contact with them, they feel better and you feel worse! Spouses, teenagers, needy friends and sickly relatives are usually the unwitting culprits, as they have no ill intent or awareness of the process.” Do we need to elaborate further? Nuff said.

> Drainers – “are able to draw your energy because you feel the need to take care of them – either because of guilt, a need for self-punishment, or desire to keep the person around you.”  Clinging on to something that exhausts the vibe in you just because you have to prove your worth is sickening. The same with people who have become part of your life because they wanted you to be around when they’re in dire need of your presence and ditch you off whenever they like to.

Life’s short to exhaust the life in you to anything and anyone which does not make you feel alive!


If only…

“Why didn’t you say this to me when I was alive?” says Hanna Baker in the TV series, Thirteen Reasons Why. [#ThatHannahBakerLine. a screenshot of the scene is found below. Credits to the Owner]

If only we were true and brave enough to tell those we’ve lost that they matter to us long before they’re gone, then we could have probably saved a heart from being broken, a life from being shattered…

But not all that we’ve lost are gone. Somewhere, someone is in the limbo desperately wanting for reasons why some bridges are burnt, why feelings have come to end too soon, why things transpired the way we least expect them to be… and what drives people to feel us neglected, rejected and unloved… and so many more questions about truths we’re even afraid to confront, sometimes. 

And, it’s never too late.

It’s never too late to tell people they’re special to us… it’s never too late to let someone know we care for them, that we’re sorry for making them feel bad about themselves, that we’re more than willing to make things up… to start anew, to love deeper and build more wonderful memories together. 

It’s even never too late to put closure to whatever that is dragging you down. It’s never too late for acceptance, for allowing yourself to put a halt on relying too much on false hopes, and for mustering courage to rise up from that awful fall and eventually move on.

The time for everything is always now… After all, life is too short to be wasted to “if only”.

Here is a farewell to a no stranger at all!

We surely had a share of personal accounts on meeting people who would eventually make impact on our lives. 

Stories of strangers whose relationships blossomed into friendships and vice versa have never been a rarity. There is always a room for endless tales of how people, and yes – strangers, have significantly made us feel better about ourselves.

While at the beautiful Parola beach for a family outing yesterday, my Mama Badang sent me an sms asking me whether the news about someone has reached me. The follow up text disheartened me: “She is now wid d Lord. (sic)”

Ms. Lilian Bellen is now reunited with the Creator. 

My connection with Ma’am Lilian commenced when she sent me this remark at the messenger, saying:

Hi, this is Lilian.  What do you prefer I call you?  Chanced upon your blog and was blown away.  It is fantastic… Am I the only one who does not know about your blog?  Thanks. 

For a no serious blogger whose only goal is to write on one’s personal views and sentiments and create an online repository for my penchant for Bicol oral traditions, her message is an affirmation that maybe, just maybe, I was doing right.

Receiving comments from readers is always an engaging and thrilling experience. A feed to the blogger’s ego, one might say. But a compliment from Ms. Lilian Bellen is both an honor and a privilege.

This lady is never an ordinary random Facebook friend who would send you pm on sundry of stuff from chain messages to “please like this” thing! I have known her in an FB group whose goal is to create an avenue for civic-minded people to discuss plans and concrete schemes in improving the lives of Magalleños. Her posts and updates have always been about believing in people and their potential of making our town… and this country a better one for the generation to come. Her optimism is always dynamic and has transcended beyond mere words and social media statuses. 

Her love for Magallanes and her kahimanwas has always been constant. Her social media updates, especially those posted in the group, revealed her vision and aspirations for a better Magallanes. One appeal I recall with feeling of regret for having done nothing is this message she sent me.

Hi, Alfred, I posted this to the Pro Mag page.  Would you help us, please.  Thanks. APPEAL: LET US HONOR THE OUTSTANDING MEN AND WOMEN OF MAGALLANES. . . and OUTSTANDINGSCIENTIFIC RESEARCH PAPERS

Pro Mag would like to appeal to members to  enrich the content of this page with posts about (1)  the outstanding men and women of Magallanes, the unsung heroes ,   the cheerful provider of services , the gifted “langgang specialist,” etc.; and (2) scientific  researches/projects.   

We understand that there is an annual or periodic award to Outstanding Women of Magallanes.  We hope  someone will take the initiative to write up or summarize the citation for each awardee.  Many members do not know the debt of gratitude we owe these women so publishing their citation would show our appreciation and introduce them to the unaware.

We also hope that researches about innovative or more efficient use of our resources could be posted.  There may be readers  who  will see the investment possibilities in those researches.  Sayang tabi an opportunidad.  Let us not underestimate the potential of such researches, e.g., deboning bangus may be simple, but  a good commercial enhancer.    There will be no patent or  copyright infringement if disclosures are on general terms. 

Salamatononon tabi.

(Sent: May 9, 2014; 11:54 AM)

She celebrates Magalleños’ stories of success and echoed the same in the social media so that we’d be more aware and appreciative of our potentials and strength as a people. She always reserves a slot for making us feel good and proud about who we are as Magalleños in her social media space… and I love her for that.

For that, I have realized she’s no stranger at all. She’s one of us by will and heart.

Our online connection continued as she considered my school assignment as beneficiaries of a good number of books and encyclopedia she altruistically solicited and donated for our school library.  It happened not just once. In fact, our last conversation on April 18 this year, is rooted from the same cause. (She’d be again sending books and encyclopedia  for Bagatao which we respectfully turned down since we’ve just got a new set of donation from Mr. & Mrs. Jinky Bailon).

To our students, Ms. Lilian Bellen is the anonymous book donor. But her generosity never gets unnoticed. Her love for learning and her vision of uplifting the lives of our people through education will surely go a long way and eventually bear fruit. And for that I thank her again. And yes, I love her for that…

But this blog post, who is not even fit to be a eulogy to a wonderful creation – that is Lilian Bellen, is something that is very personal.

By the way, did I say our connection began when she sent me a pm in 2013? I was awfully wrong. Here is why.

Thanks to Ma’am Ruby Cabug for disclosing this supposedly confidential fact: Ma’am Lilian was my benefactor in Carracal Memorial Academy since I transferred in as a second year high school student on June 1997. I’ve learned I was randomly selected as her scholar.

Allow me to share  screenshots of one very personal conversation I had with my dear Mam Lilian as I expressed my gratitude to her… as I told her how her act of selflessness has made me a grateful person that I am now and how it has changed me… and the lives of the people around me. 

I am blessed to have an opportunity of telling her how I am thankful for her help. My life is eternally blessed to be touched by a no stranger who is Ma’am Lilian. 

Rest now, dear stranger who has become an angel to me and to many others… It is time be home where you truly belongs – heaven!

Again, thank you. Until we finally meet.

Cut it off

Oh dear, I’ve already made myself deaf of that boring repertoire of lies and alibis… some very special people have taught me to master the art of listening to (and even understanding) excuses.

Blame the people in my past for my trust issues. Blame me for my naivety then. Blame me for loving people too much… and for expecting, at least, some honesty from them. 

But, I won’t allow myself to fall into the same trap again. You’re in my life because I choose to keep you… whether you exist as a friend, a special one, or an extra-special one, I choose to welcome you into my life. 

And if you choose to pay me back with dishonesty… and stupid lines from old scripts,  then it’s over. Friendship over. Relationshit (yes, you read it perfectly) over.

Life is short to brood over toxic earthlings.

Oops, they did it again [insert sad face]

It’s crazy how people continue to be the insensitive version of themselves, promising not to commit the same mistake, but still do. I think this supposedly ‘friendly and mutual entanglement’ is becoming a mess and irreparable [hopefully not].

Yes, people [even friends] can be so frustrating that you can only learn to accept and be plainly pragmatic. Sometimes, life sucks! Sometimes friends suck!

Then, you can choose to learn from the plight and suck the hell out of the messy, complicated life.